Have you ever wondered, “How am I supposed to relax (or “unwind” or “concentrate” or whatever) now that I’ve quit smoking?” I think a lot of us imagine that there’s this hole in our lives that smoking used to fill, and we wonder what we’re going to use to fill that hole with now that we don’t smoke any more.
The quit-smoking snake-oil salesmen capitalize on this fantasy with ruthless efficiency; pushing their pills, patches, and potions on us from every angle, and I think the reason this works so well is that the search for the thing that will fill the hole is not unique to people who have quit smoking; it’s a part of the human condition.
Smoking as an Attempt to Fill the Hole
I also believe that, for many of us, smoking in the first place was itself an attempt to fill the hole. Think about it:
When you were in kindergarten, you couldn’t wait to get to first grade; then you’d be one of the “big kids” and the hole would disappear. But when you got to first grade, you were disappointed to find that the hole was still there.
A few years later, you hoped the hole would be filled when you finally got to be a teenager, but that didn’t do it, either. Neither did getting into high school, or getting your learner’s permit, or your driver’s license, or your first car, or turning 18, or going away to college, or turning 21.
Continuing the Search
And yet, through it all, you continued to look for the thing that would fill the hole.
Maybe a relationship would do it: once you had a steady boyfriend or girlfriend, surely the hole would disappear. But that wasn’t it, either. Neither was marriage. Or becoming a mom or a dad.
Maybe religion would do it. Or political activism. Or a career. No, no, and no again. On the negative side, maybe smoking, drinking, or doing drugs would fill the hole? Nope, none of that stuff did it, either.
Square Pegs? Round Holes?
But you kept on trying; you believed that all of your previous efforts amounted to trying to put a square peg in a round hole, and if only you could find that round peg, you’d be all set…
Then, just maybe, after you’d banged your head against the wall long enough, you started to question your assumptions about the hole: you wondered if there really was a hole in the first place, and if there was, why had nothing you’d tried to fill it with ever worked? And if there was no hole, why were you trying so hard to fill it?
Using Your Imagination
Imagination is an incredibly powerful tool, and, like any powerful tool, if you use it incorrectly, you can get seriously hurt. Most of us have been on a life-long quest to fill an imaginary hole in our lives, and we’ve caused ourselves untold mischief because of it.
I gave myself an advanced case of emphysema and did irreparable damage to myself trying to fit the square peg of smoking into the imaginary round hole in my life. Lots of other people have killed themselves trying to do the same thing. Many others struggle every day with staying quit because of the mistaken assumption that smoking used to fill the imaginary hole in their lives.
Imagine yourself whole.
Imagine your life as complete; no empty place to fill; no hole.
Now, look back on everything you tried to fill the hole with — especially smoking — and realize that none of those things were square pegs you were trying to fit into a round hole; they were imaginary pegs you were trying to fit into a nonexistent hole.
Of course they didn’t fit.
There is no hole.
When you accept this, you also have to accept that there’s no way to fill it.
And the compulsion to try will die.