Did you ever decide that you were going to quit smoking on a certain day, and you were totally determined that this was it, that this was the one that was going to stick, that this was the one where you’d finally succeed? But there was this little voice in the back of your mind, saying, “maybe this will be too hard”; “maybe I won’t be able to do it”; “maybe I’ll fail”…
But you were determined to go ahead and quit anyway; you planned; you committed; you even told your friends and family that you were going to do it, that this was going to be the one! But the little voice kept whispering in the back of your mind, and as your quit date got closer, you became practically certain that it would be too hard; that you wouldn’t be able to do it; that you would fail.
How did that happen? Where did your determination go? What happened to your willpower? What made you so certain you were going to fail when you started out so strong?
You Worried About It
You felt that way because you worried yourself into feeling that way.
Think about how worrying works: it starts with the little voice suggesting things that are remote possibilities (“maybe it’ll be too hard”; “maybe I won’t be able to do it”; “maybe I’ll fail”).
The voice doesn’t insist that these things are true; just that that they could be true. But it’s enough to get you to worry about them. You take them out and look at them; at first, maybe once or twice a day, but gradually, you take them out and look at them more often.
As time goes by, you bring them out and look at them more and more often, and the more often you look at them, the more real they seem, until finally they seem virtually certain: this will be too hard. I won’t be able to do it. I will fail.
Your worries became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What you may not realize is that you can use the same process to achieve positive results, too.
It’s true. Just start the process with different remote possibilitites: “maybe this won’t be so hard”; “maybe I will be able to do it”; “maybe I can succeed this time.” You don’t even have to pretend that these outcomes are likely to be true; all you have to do is admit that they could be true.
Then take them out and look at them once or twice a day. Toy with the idea that it might not be so hard this time. That it could be possible for you to quit, and stay quit for good. At first, these thoughts won’t seem very real, but the more you take them out and look at them, the more you say, “maybe…,” the more real they’ll start to seem. Just like the negative outcomes you worried about in your earlier attempts.
Your worries will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And, just like the negative outcomes you worried about in your earlier attempts, your worries about positive outcomes will also become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Thoughts like to live with other thoughts just like themselves: if the thoughts you entertain as possibilities early on are thoughts of failure, they’ll go out and attract other thoughts of failure: they’ll look for examples of why you will fail, and bring them to your attention: “Look!” they’ll say, “there’s another reason why you’ll probably fail!”
But if the thoughts you entertain as possibilities early on are thoughts of success, they’ll go out and attract other thoughts of success. They’ll look for examples of why you might succeed and point them out to you: “Look!” they’ll say, “there’s another reason why you can probably succeed at this!”
Worry That You’ll Succeed
Do it a little bit every day. Then come back and let us know how you feel about your chances of success in a week or two.